Yeah, I'm excited

I get asked about the baby a lot now. It's really nice. I love sharing about the baby. I just met a friend who hadn't seen me in the better part of a year for lunch and we chatted about it a lot. It was really interesting to hear myself talk about the feelings I've been having lately.

1) I really thought I'd loose myself in this. Either I have and I didn't notice or I've just naturally extended my personality to include "mom." Maybe it wasn't that hard of a stretch as I thought it would be. Having people ask about the baby doesn't bother me. Flowing in and out of talking about him doesn't bother me. I don't feel as if I, as a person, don't get enough attention and that everything is centered on baby. Yet. I thought it would be immediate. I thought that having a baby would somehow eradicate everything I was. It hasn't at all. I still feel like me. I just have this cool, little person inside of me. It's weird to think of it that way, but that's just kind of how it is.

During lunch we wandered in and out of mommy talk and weaved it in with talk about Uncle Evil (he's not really the baby's uncle, but my mom has crowned him as such. Since he's my new big brother and taking my place in her will ;-) we'll just go with that.), talk about work, talk about technologies and what's appropriate to upgrade your skills with. It was a totally adult conversation. Why wouldn't I want to talk about the baby too? I'm so excited about this addition to my life, to my family.

2) That leads very nicely into a later conversation with a stranger. He asked when I was due, and I gave him the July 8th date the doctors have tried to convince me is my due date. We'll see when DJ wants to come. Anyway, then he asked what I'm having and I responded, "Oh, a boy." Insert big smile here. He asked if my husband was excited to have a boy too, and I said he would have been happy either way. The man seemed surprised, and then mildly lost as he entered the garage.

B and I are both excited to have a boy, but we would have been excited either way. I was secretly hoping for a girl, thinking I would relate to a little girl better. I knew somehow intrinsic that I was having a boy instead. I just kept thinking, I want a girl so Karma will give me a boy instead. So I wasn't at all surprised when they told us he was a boy in the first sonogram. I was a little surprised at his size but not that. It didn't take much getting used to because I'd had the feeling for a while. And really, I was just thrilled that everything was going so smoothly and he looked so healthy.

Now that I've been running around with him for months, I can really say I'm totally excited about it. It has less to do with a gender distinction and more to do with his personality, or what glimpses I have of it at this point. I'm having fun with him. I feel like we have good times. He tickles me and plays with me from the inside. I talk to him and he interacts with me. I like the way it feels when he pokes (most of the time) and it's really neat to feel him grow. That's what I'm excited about. I can't wait to meet him when he's no longer a direct part of me. I might miss having him on the inside, but then I'll get him on the outside for the rest of our lives. I think he's just going to be the neatest thing since sliced bread. I feel like the three of us are going to have great times together, and when we make him some siblings, that's going to be great fun too. For me, the baby's sex is irrelevant. It's just about B, DJ and me.